Okay, I am just going to go on a rant for a moment.
I knew that this process was going to drain me. I was told it would be almost a one year thing... you know, the usual.
But the last few days have been so frustrating !! I had imagined that when the kids went back to school, I'd have a few hours in a row (this is key, as parents mainly live life in snips of time) to get moving on this paperwork. But it seems like i am always finding myself back where i began. Yesterday morning I was so excited that i was finally able to mail off my background check (had to be notarized, of course) to one of the 10 states we have to contact...but i was soon deflated. I started to work on getting my birth & marriage certificates, and my divorce decree from my first marriage. David was doing the same thing.
Initially we were told to get 4, then we were told to get an extra "just in case". then i looked though the dossier and checklists and could only find that i needed one for each of us. And i thought maybe i need one for my passport...so that's two. I emailed around, and was told by a friend doing the same process that she had ordered the 4, but agreed it was costly to do that - especially when you factor in that we have 3 types of documents and 2 people obtaining them. Ugh. I contacted more folks and found that I needed to contact a specific person, and that she's pretty busy...(a.k.a. she won't reply same day) so maybe i should just order 3 for good measure?
I got the forms all printed out...i began to fill them out. guess what? If i mail it in or walk in (out of state by the way) it's free process - at least insofar as the "processing fees & delivery costs". If i fax or call, it will cost me $15 or $20 PER COPY and then another $30 per copy to guarantee delivery & be quick! I'll just opt for the certified mail which is around $5 per copy. It would actually cost LESS for me to FLY TO TACOMA and walk-in to get this paper! I mean, really. Doesn't that seem a bit excessive??
Then there's David, attempting to apply for his birth certificate from NY online - as a security measure, he's asked several questions - one is to remember the sale price on a house he sold 20 years ago. He was on the computer going through their website for a good 40 minutes (seriously) trying to order this thing. He even got to the part where you need your cc...and THEN they told him sorry, you got the question about sale price wrong. He printed out the form to fill out tomorrow, but he has a busy day, and we'll probably have to wait until evening. I am guessing it will be next week until we mail that out.
I did get the idea to see what i could do online, and saw i could order some forms, and i thought the small extra fees might be worth it - so i started to get the divorce decree. I had to know the date of my divorce - which i can't remember. I guessed...I got to a page that tells me that this expensive form is not actually a divorce decree, it's a divorce certificate, which to me is worthless...
So here i am, an entire day later, no further on the path to bringing my kiddo home, just tired. I am frustrated that i just ran in circles. This is the part that takes F O R E V E R!
Ultimately, I have to keep focused. If i feel too pitiful and frustrated, I am not able to make progress. And although i would never ever ever for a minute consider quitting, I don't want to give any sense that it's not worth it. It is totally worth it. I would run circles every day (in fact, i bet i will run circles) to get Rey here.
It just seems that this part doesn't have to be this complicated!
you know??
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Sunday, August 31, 2008
We're doing WHAT??
So this is how it happened for us...
We had always thought about adopting. I think it's been in my head because i wanted to have a sibling when i was a kid, and i wanted my folks to adopt. This never happened - I remained an only child.
When David and I had our first kid, it put in our heads all the kids in the world that need to be in families. We began to do some research on domestic adoptions. After having Henry 2 years later, it became clear that we'd have a longer wait than we thought. Henry is a terrific boy, but not an easy boy. So we waited.
As our boys grew, we became aware of the needs internationally in countries like Liberia and Ethiopia. We looked at an international adoption, but just didn't know how we'd make it happen financially and logistically. We'd have to stay in country for weeks - and Liberia is an unpredictable country. We just didn't have it in us to make it work at that time.
Meanwhile, we had been going through a purposeful change in our lives: we decided to take a simpler path in our lives. We moved from the suburbs to a little home downtown where we could live life on feet and bicycles, and have a little more financial freedom. David changed his employment to work form home, and we now have a life as a family together. It suits us well, but it is a daily battle to say "no" to things and not take on too much.
Fast forward a few years to July 2008. We saw a line item in the church announcements that there were school aged children in Boise through a program of adoption advocacy. We decided to find out more.
We connected to the group and went to an event held as kind of a family mixer - a low pressure way to see all the kids interacting. I know this sounds a little gross: like auditioning kids, but when you think about it, these kids are school aged, and it is as important that their opinions are respected on their potential families as it is that ours are.
This is where we met Rey - he was so great - he "clicked" with us right away. I don't think he had ever seen a balding man (ummmm, sorry David...) because he wanted to rub his head. We went home that night knowing that we couldn't let Rey stay in Manila in an orphanage any more. Even though we didn't have all the money readily available, even though it might take an entire year, even though he'd be going back to Manila to wait...we decided to go forward.
We had always thought about adopting. I think it's been in my head because i wanted to have a sibling when i was a kid, and i wanted my folks to adopt. This never happened - I remained an only child.
When David and I had our first kid, it put in our heads all the kids in the world that need to be in families. We began to do some research on domestic adoptions. After having Henry 2 years later, it became clear that we'd have a longer wait than we thought. Henry is a terrific boy, but not an easy boy. So we waited.
As our boys grew, we became aware of the needs internationally in countries like Liberia and Ethiopia. We looked at an international adoption, but just didn't know how we'd make it happen financially and logistically. We'd have to stay in country for weeks - and Liberia is an unpredictable country. We just didn't have it in us to make it work at that time.
Meanwhile, we had been going through a purposeful change in our lives: we decided to take a simpler path in our lives. We moved from the suburbs to a little home downtown where we could live life on feet and bicycles, and have a little more financial freedom. David changed his employment to work form home, and we now have a life as a family together. It suits us well, but it is a daily battle to say "no" to things and not take on too much.
Fast forward a few years to July 2008. We saw a line item in the church announcements that there were school aged children in Boise through a program of adoption advocacy. We decided to find out more.
We connected to the group and went to an event held as kind of a family mixer - a low pressure way to see all the kids interacting. I know this sounds a little gross: like auditioning kids, but when you think about it, these kids are school aged, and it is as important that their opinions are respected on their potential families as it is that ours are.
This is where we met Rey - he was so great - he "clicked" with us right away. I don't think he had ever seen a balding man (ummmm, sorry David...) because he wanted to rub his head. We went home that night knowing that we couldn't let Rey stay in Manila in an orphanage any more. Even though we didn't have all the money readily available, even though it might take an entire year, even though he'd be going back to Manila to wait...we decided to go forward.
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