...I was at a loss for words...really!

I haven't updated our trek through this process lately.

Quite frankly, I am not even thinking anyone will read this, i think i am saving my friends from hearing me whine and whine about all the crap that is going on. But i guess i have suddenly developed a conscience, because I have had some conflicts that i haven't known how to handle respectfully. It is different to "put it out there" for anyone to read - especially in semi permanent form - than it is to just complain to a friend.

The truth is that reality is just beginning to set in.

Without going into too much detail, here's the issue: it makes it difficult when people don't support us. It complicates even more when they are close to us. And then all the issues that have been underlying suddenly come to the top. Now we are in a "situation": do I deal with it or just ignore it? How do I deal or ignore? How do I hold back the joy and elation - and the frustration, anger, and grief that this process can elicit? I just don't want to hear "I told you so" when i express anything other than a perfect process.

Here's the deal - this is going to really suck. I has been sucking. It is difficult to handle the paper pregnancy. Complicated to drag out to classes on a school night. Uncomfortable to ask people to make our choice a priority. Nearly impossible to ask for help! (And Rey is not even here yet!) The LAST thing I need is to manage other people's feelings - and worry that i will get "...I told you so...".

There has been no book i have found - no pamphlet, no process that is set to help deal with family and friends that think we are making a mistake. So i am out here - and there's an elephant in the room, and I have got to figure out what to do. Other adopted families suggest cutting folks off if they don't accept "all of us". Harsh, but ultimately, is there another option? We will have to do what is best for all 3 boys - would we allow interactions that ignore any one of them?

I have no answers yet. But here are some of the questions that have been rolling around in my head...

If i were pregnant, would you feel the right to tell me you don't agree?
Do you really expect me to change course with this because you don't agree/understand?
If this decision seems to be a surprise, or not align with what you thought of us, who do you think needs more information - ME or YOU?
Why won't you ask for help understanding rather than assuming you can just tell me you don't agree? (And expect me to just fall in line? Really?)

Yes, there is anger. In all fairness, I have to admit that it is difficult for folks to have a big decision made for them. It is a huge change. And they had no vote. And I assume that they are truly concerned. I imagine it must be difficult to hear me bring up the red tape, the concerns - all that crap, and not have an answer! But you know what? I need to be able to talk to those close to me.

I hope this adoption does not become the memory of when my friends and family disappeared from our lives. It makes it nearly unbearable to handle all the crap going on now. What is going to happen when Rey is here and things are complicated? And they didn't to anything to prepare, and the judgment rolls in? ugh...really, i have got to deal.

I would like to say that i have several friends that have been AMAZING- they have attended classes and listened, and really been helpful...so it's not like we're alone in the world. But you know, certain people are really important...and i want all their support! Thank God for the folks we have in our corner...but i want them ALL there.